Trying to decide...

Just over a week ago my darling heart decided to pipe up with "Lets have another baby". At first I honestly thought he was joking but no, he wasn't. It poses a big decision and I am still so undecided. I love my babies, I love giving birth, I love all the early days. We have been absolutely blessed with great sleepers, beautiful feeders and gorgeous babies, why wouldn't we want more? Seriously, why wouldn't we? We have a more than big enough house, we have stability, we can afford to do this but I am still not so convinced.

Without a doubt, I believe had Paul not had a vasectomy, before we even miraculously fell pregnant with Lucy, I would be with child now, that is how quickly we fall. But this time round, it would mean either retrieval or reversal and if it were the former, then it would mean AI and I just don't know if I want to go down that path? I then have my cervix issues, and that is a whole new can of worms, I would need to go it alone without my wonderful OB Doug, not sure if I could do that either? I honestly wish I could just fall pregnant, have an amazing pregnancy, breeze through to 38 weeks or so and then have a wonderful homebirth with my darling husband and children by my side. (Oh and of course have Fran as my Doula!)

Somehow though, deep down, I just know that it may not be the case and it may include a lot of hospital rest, a premmie baby again, maybe even earlier than Lucy at 29 weeks and a lot of travel to and from the hospital.

Do I want that? No, I don't but is positive energy and lots of prayers enough to carry me through?




YOu would have to agree though, she is damn cute hey?