Dreaming.

I do a lot of this, all the time, every night but every now and then, they are somewhat disturbing.

Last night was no exception.

I doubt my decisions all the time as far as Isaac is concerned, all the what if's and what could have beens.

So picture this...

Last night, in this dream, we announced a pregnancy and it was before I'd even tested. Seriously nothing new to me as I have always just known before I'd even tested.
Anyway after 6 weeks or so, I tested and it was negative. I was devastated, as was Paul but we carried on and I had to make an appearance at a function.

It was at this function that someone wheeled a pram over to me, scooped up the babe within and handed him to me.
She whispered to me to take him, that he was alive and that they'd made a huge mistake. That he's always been ok but they didn't want to tell me until they were absolutely sure, that she knew that we must be together now and took a risk by bringing him to me.

There he was, perfect, healthy and snuggled to my chest. He smelt the same, looked the same and I just breathed him in.

Well, the rest you can just imagine I'm sure and it's really upset my day.

Sadness and tears have overcome me and again I've pushed away those that I really should be talking to.

*sigh*

The story of my life...


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